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The Victim Complex

I have been noticing patterns in my own behaviour lately and I am not proud of them. My biggest issue is what I’d like to call the victim complex. Among others, the Oxford Dictionary defines a complex as „a related group of repressed or partly repressed emotionally significant ideas which cause psychic conflict leading to abnormal mental states or behaviour“.

For me personally this means that I create conflicts internally and externally by putting myself into the position of a victim subconsciously. By this, I am in no way trying to undermine people’s feeling of powerlessness and mental struggles. I am only trying to explore my own behaviour to try and improve personally. I’m trying to be honest with myself even if it’s difficult.

Growing up, I suffered from some benign illnesses that positioned me as the vulnerable and fragile child in my parents’ minds. I would get ill and because of my clumsiness, got small injuries often. I was a bit careless, quieter than my siblings and lived in my own world. I loved to escape by reading for hours on end. Getting lost in someone else’s story was always fascinating to me.

I was never very social when I was younger, my social anxiety would get the best of me and make it difficult for me to approach and talk to people I didn’t know. This meant that I never quite felt like I fit in at school because I was labelled as nerdy and shy. It made me view myself as weak. So, I avoided problems instead of confronting them. I chose the comfort of ignorance whenever I could as I didn’t know how to handle these situations.

However, as I had a strong support system and a caring family, I would be rescued and protected. I subconsciously came to expect this from my environment. I believed that there was always a way to get what I wanted. Even though I never asked for help I knew there would be help if I needed it. Thus, putting myself in the victim position always got me ahead in life so I internalised these patterns for difficult situations.

This complex of mine does not only affect me, it has impacted meaningful relationships. It made me selfish and self-centred, I focused on what was lacking in my own life too much and disregarded other peoples’ needs because I saw myself as the victim in fights and conflicts.

At some point, there comes a time to take responsibility though and these conflicts have forced me to do that. I can’t hide behind this mask of weakness and expect everything around me fall into place. It is not good to be seen as a victim so I should not put myself into this position.

I hope that these realisations can help me in the future. I think that recognising and becoming aware of destructive thought patterns and weak points is an essential part of actively fighting them.

I will choose to be uncomfortable and to face my own problems more often from now on to push myself out of my comfort zone.

Love, Sevda

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